What gets me through……….

You do sort of develop a routine :

I usually awake about 6:30 when the ward starts to stir.  I hear trolleys being wheeled and hushed voices in the corridors.  One of the health assistants shouts out a far too cheery ‘Morning beut’ as she sticks thermometer in my ear and a BP cuff is strapped on my arm,  ‘all good she says’,  no score.  Everything is about numbers and I score 0 which means I have no temperature, and everything else is within normal limits.  I drift back to sleep until the water trolley trundles in – and a jug of fresh cold water and new glass is plonked on my bedside table.  I take a sip of the cold water which barely penetrates my parched mouth.   Then it’s the breakfast trolley which is parked right outside my door and I am asked every day if I’m eating and everyday I say no thanks.  I am actually allowed sips of tea now as my consultant says it will make no difference but I am scared as if the drain output increases,  I get upset,  everything and anything that signifies a potential problem upsets me.

Then it’s –

Wash, walk, tidy room, cleaners, bed change.    It’s usually about 1030 by now and I listen to pop master on radio 2,  I’m rubbish at it but it passes the time.  I usually fall asleep at this point to one of my meditation apps and then it’s lunchtime.  You get the picture,  monotonous routine that barely falters.  Intercepted by blood tests, pharmacists, doctors and today the boss man physio.  He called to see me to see if I wanted to practice walking upstairs but then realised as I am nowhere near discharge,  there was no point plus I was hooked up to my feed and so it was impossible anyway.  He told me to keep walking and gave me some bed exercises to do.  Plus told me to stand by sink and do squats – what a sight that would be!

Stephen arrives having survived another M4 journey.  We watch the news and then go for a walk.  We bicker a bit ( no change there) as we disagree on the merits of him having two of his mates round when he has our baby granddaughter.  She is a full time job without the distractions of blokey talk and hot coffees,  I would worry,  that’s what I do.  Mates visit postponed to later in the day.  We go through the mail,  watch a quiz, I doze, we hold hands, watch another quiz,  have another walk.  Just like home,  sadly not,  but it’s fine.  He is still traumatised when he thought he was losing me,  he cant get it out of his mind,  he’s not sleeping well.  It’s hard on him and I hate putting him and all my family through this.   He is incredibly annoying but has a big big heart,  we have a big squashy hug and we both cry,  knowing that we came too close to losing each other  ❤️

I Face time  my daughter and sing ‘wheels on the bus’ to my granddaughter.   Our favourite song is ‘Five little Monkeys’ but I can’t sing that without crying.  She still looks full of cold and I don’t think she recognises me,  that makes me sad.  But then I think we are lucky to live so close that once I’m home I will see her every day and Stephen continues to take her to our house so she doesn’t forget.  I hope to have plenty of time to strengthen my bond with her.  Some grandparents never see their children so I suppose in that respect we are lucky.    My sister sends me a snap chat image of Joshua as a bunny saying ‘Get Well soon Aunty.  He is such a lovely sensitive little boy,  I worry about him.  His twin Joseph seems more confident and Joshua always seems to be in his shadow,  not in my eyes of course,  they are both awesome in my eyes and I love them dearly.

I chat to some lovely friends on messenger.  I only speak to a special few who I consider friends as many people are just plain nosy.  I’m not on Facebook as much now as I suppose all the ‘my perfect life’ posts and pouty ‘aren’t I beautiful’ selfies,  grate a bit when you are hooked up to a line that keeps you alive.  Plus Facebook can be so intrusive in times of crisis with all the critters coming out of the woodwork offering ‘Big Hugs’ and far too many kisses from someone who barely says hello in the street.  I guess they are secretly hoping to pick up a snippet of gossip to share around the town.  I know my town and gossip and I’d be terminal in no time.  Maybe that’s a bit harsh but to have friend requests when your in ICU ( and yes they did know) and another friend saying she was ‘Feeling Depressed’ because she couldn’t dry her washing!   Really???  So Facebook and I have parted company for now apart from a few pics of my family and some inspirational phrases that catch my eye.

Soon the day is over, I have my own room plus TV so that helps too.  How long il have the luxury of my own room remains to be seen as they are usually kept for poorly patients and I’m stable.  The Boss Sister is back today so I’m waiting for a visit to tell me I have to move.  Oh I have my daily injection to look forward to to prevent blood clots then it’s sleep hopefully before I do it all over again…………..
Br grateful for the little things,  as one day they will become the big things 

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