3/4/17 – been here almost a month and without doubt, the worst month of my life where my health is concerned.
My room is quote gloomy, well very gloomy – my view is a brick wall. This is probably not helping my low mood but I’m grateful to have my own space as I don’t want to mix with other patients. They all seem to have their ops, recover and leave so that upsets me. They inevitably want to hear your story and then feel sorry for me which I hate. They can usually eat and drink which also upsets me as it just makes me feel worse about myself. I’m not sure how long I will have the luxury of my own room but for the moment I’m safe.
Doctors arrive and I tell them what’s been happening, they are pleased the left drain has reduced and tell me I must have a cup of tea to see what happens. How stressful is that! I’m assuming that if you are reading this blog then you will have some knowledge of bowel anatomy, stomas and fistula. Essentially the left drain goes deep into my pelvis where the leak is. Drinking tea will give some indication as to whether things are healing. If it comes out of the drain, then not good. If it comes out of the stoma – then I’m winning. So I sip my tea and watch and wait. Oh you lucky people who eat and drink and never give it another thought, that is a luxury denied to me and many others.
They are also looking into some kind of counselling for me. I did say that only talking to doctors reassures me, or people who have been in my shoes and come out the other side, but they feel it may help me manage my feelings. They are looking into it so that will probably take ages. Some wheels in the NHS turn very slowly so yet another waiting game.
No visitors today or tomorrow. We have had to scale the visits down as it was getting too much for Stephen and the last thing we want is for him to go ill. So we are aiming for Wednesday, Friday and weekends. Stephen is painting the passage ( sighs). Many years ago, Stephen was let loose with a paint roller and it was a complete disaster. I think it was deliberate as he was never allowed near a paint roller after. But he needs to fill his days and I am assured by Eagle eyed Lyns he has done a good job. I think my days of painting are well and truly over so he better get used to it.
I desperately need a hair cut. Stephen helped me wash my hair yesterday but it’s absolutely shocking! A minor point you may think but it does help me if I don’t look like The Mad Woman of Wonga- as this picture demonstrates.