‘Like being on a seesaw’ type of day…….

It’s only 11 o’clock and been a tumultuous day.

UP –  Was pleased to wake up with no temperature and all my obs good.

DOWN – Then doctors came round and said I was anaemic and I may need blood transfusion.  They didn’t explain why I’m anemic just that they are  keeping an eye.  Always keeping an eye…….

UP – I asked the TPN boffins why I’m anaemic and they said that whilst my haemoglobin is on the low side, my iron stores are normal so hopefully this will sort itself out.  All my other bloods were OK and they felt from a TPN point of view I’m doing well.  That old chestnut wearing a bit thin but nice to hear something positive.

DOWN – Told I’m going for a scan and I need to drink something in stages.  All the chemicals in my poor battered body,  I feel like refusing to have anything else done.  

DOWN – junior doctor came to put venflon in and blew two of my veins. She’s going to come back and have ‘another go’ later.  Can’t wait.  Losing the will at the moment.  

So all in all I’m feeling pretty down again.  The doctors suggested giving me a pick me up.  I said well I know exactly what the problem is so I dont see the point of masking those feelings with more drugs.  I explained I was bitterly disappointed at the fact this op had gone so catastrophically wrong,  nearly killing me in the process.  That I’m worse off now than I was before I came in with an uncertain future,  and that I’m likely to be here for months just watching,  waiting and hoping for progress with no one able to tell me anything.  That my family live 80 miles away and are equally angry and worried and it’s causing massive stress to everyone.  He nodded and agreed ‘it’s difficult’.  No shi* sherlock,  too right it’s difficult.  They will chase up the counselling……..I won’t hold my breath as apparently you need to be totally nuts to see anyone and I’m not quite there.  Yet. 😳

UP – had the scan and it was pretty painless with nothing being inserted into my stoma, phew 👏

DOWN- liquid coming out of tube quicker than stoma 😫

UP – Consultant calls and says scan is good! He said there is continuity through my gut and no evidence of a hole.  Obviously there is a hole but if it’s small then there is a better chance of it healing.  I have been here before, fistula only show up if they are over a certain size so whilst I’m happy there is no bad news,  I’m not counting my chickens……..
Enough for one day,  feeling shattered 😴😴

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