Warning: I had my alcohol flush today so I’m feeling quite merry ☺️☺️ so I thought I’d share this story with you. For those of you who know me would understand how excruciatingly embarrassing I would have found this conversation. Hope it doesn’t offend anyone 😐
A few days ago we decided to go down the Concourse for a change of scenery. As I may have mentioned I don’t like going down there as it involves several lifts and loads of people, wheelchairs and general chaos. But off we go, lift 1 is rammed so I sit in wheelchair and wait for the next one. We get to the correct floor and I decide to stay in the wheelchair owing to the crowds of people walking towards us. Next minute I hear someone calling me and I look round and I see an elderly lady I know from our town – how random! She was also in a wheelchair being pushed by her husband. I couldn’t remember her name but she knew mine and seemingly all about my surgery complications………
It soon became apparent we were blocking the footfall so we went over to the side to have a little chat. I obviously asked her what was wrong and here began probably one of the most embarrasing conversations of my life, it went like this –
‘ Oh Lauraine, she says I’ve had a lump removed ‘
‘Oh I’m sorry to hear that, says I, are you ok?
‘ Well, says she, It was on my Clitoris ( although she said it really loudly and pronounced it in a sort of CLITAWWRIS’ sort of way).
I froze, what do you say to that. To make matters worse I caught Stephen’s eye and I could see he was rooted with embarrassment and started to have a separate conversation with the husband about, well anything! She kept repeating the word loudly as she relayed the story about how she found the lump, then it came back, each time repeating the C word very LOUDLY. I felt people were staring wondering what on earth we could possibly be talking about. Stephen kept staring at me and I felt a nervous laughter rise in me, Please don’t think for one minute I found her situation funny, it was just an old lady saying that word over and over in a public place, felt so wrong on all levels. We eventually escaped and did have a giggle about it – wondering how many other people had been privvy to her news and what their reaction has been. You’d think her children would have advised her to call it something less embarrasing like ‘down below’ or even ‘lady bits’.
Oh dear, not a conversation I’ll forget ever. I told my sister and I can’t repeat what she said ☺️☺️
Reminds of something Doris off Gavin & Stacey would have said –
Gwen asked her ‘Aunty Doris, you seem a bit drunk ‘
To which she replied 😳😳