It’s now been four months…..

Four months since that weekend when I had 7 hours of surgery thag nearly killed me.  The thing is when you nearly die people keep saying how lucky you are to be alive.  Well that is true of course but surgical complications leave a legacy and it changes you.  I want to move house,  my husband doesn’t.  I feel I need a completely new fresh start but I agree with my husband who says this is just a knee jerk reaction to the trauma.  If I did move house I would probably still feel restless.  I was never restless before but everything has changed now.

The hole is smaller but it’s still there and whilst it’s there it causes problems and is a constant reminder.  This week I have had pain in the gall bladder region again,  there is always something.  My husband struggles with it all, he wants his wife back – he cannot accept this is the new normal.   People look at me and say how well I look,  they make me feel like a fraud sometimes but these comments are usually from people who have never been ill,  I know they mean well.  I think the only people who truly understand are people with similar problems so in reality no one really understands.

One thought on “It’s now been four months…..

  1. That’s so true of our chronic/invisible illnesses, how people see what’s on the outside and it can look like we’re fine…they have no idea what goes on behind closed doors, how our bodies really are. I can understand you feeling restless, major surgery and facing the life/death issue head on certainly does change you. It’s hard when it affects others around you, like your husband, but in a different way. I know I can’t make things any easier or make you feel better, but I just want you to know you’re not alone, that in time things can and will change and the new normal will be better than it feels right now. Sending a hug your way… Caz x


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