It’s now been 5 months and I’ve decided to take a break from the blog. The main reason is I have nothing new to say about this horrible thing and if there are any new sufferers out there, reading this won’t be helpful in any way.
It’s still a roller coaster with good and bad days. The last few days have been bad in so much as the output is more and is bloody. I have no idea how bad this thing is and I’m hoping to speak to my consultant on Tuesday. I had a MRI last week which should give some answers but as I’ve said before he is very economical with detail. This could be to protect me as he knows I’m anxious and he feels having the full facts may make me worse. I’m not sure I agree with that as by him saying ‘it looks fine’ and not much else, I keep expecting it to heal. I don’t understand why when I’m essentially healthy, this one part of my body will not heal. But anyone with a fistula knows this is the case and that’s why they are so catastrophic. My psychological health is equally bad and I feel like I’m in a big black hole, the ripple effect on my personal life is unstoppable at the moment.
So this is why I’ve decided not to blog for a while as it’s too depressing and not helping anyone. It does help me to write my feelings down in the hope one day I will be able to look back and think ‘what a nightmare that was’. But for now, thanks for reading and goodbye, I’ll come back if things improve and I find my Happy head again.