Oh Happy Days 🎼🎼🎼🎼

I’m sure other peoples lives aren’t like this,  I seem to attract stress.  Or is because I am anxious and depressed, I just feel everything more than the normal person and react in the wrong way.   

We have the builders in,  a known stressor.  However Stephen is psychotic about time and if you say 9 o clock then 9 o clock it is and the builder was late.  Several phone calls later and said builder has not picked up,  stephen is literally pacing the street like a mad bull.  I remain calm.  I suppose having gone through the events of the last few years,  I don’t get stressed about such things and take the attitude he will turn up or he won’t turn up,  either way we will sort it.  I then remember I have paid him a fair chunk of cash  in advance – yes the ultimate mistake – but we know him,  he’s nice, blah blah blah.  The same old chestnuts go through my head – we will never learn.  Are we about to be ripped off big time ?   I need to be a horrible person as they seem to fair better in life.  Anyhow several hours later, builder arrives, full of apologies and cracks on with the project.

At 3 o clock we are In charge of 3 children – the twins and Cerys.  Cerys is a bit poorly and grumpy and will only sit on my lap or have cuddles from me.  Thanks to my botched op,  I struggle to lift her so she has to be put in my arms each time.  We decide to go to Morrisons to get them fed as it’s easier for me,  yes easier for ME.  For once I’m putting ME first.  So off we trott.  Stephen goes to get the small amount of shopping that we need and I head to the cafe.  

~Grumpy Woman Alert ~  what is it about Morrisons cafe – very very slow service despite us being the only ones there.  We eventually get served and order the food.  Sorry but the chap on the till seems brain dead or so bored he can hardly be bothered to speak to me.   As we walk to a table I pass several empty tables of uneaten food which doesn’t bode well.  Food arrives and it’s fair to awful.  The boys pick at it,  my toastie was burnt and my tea tasted of fish.  Joshua wanted ketchup so we ask the girl and she says they’ve run out in that annoying ‘ can’t be arsed to look ‘ manner.   Patience now tested I ask her how can they possibly run out of ketchup as it’s a supermarket for goodness sake.  She looks at me as if I’m the devil incarnate and says she will have to get a manager to see if she can get some of the shop floor.  Yes good idea,  Off you go then,  I say,  reminding her that the food was getting cold……. boys giggle,  not used to seeing aunty complaining.  So yes one of those days.  All my days seem to be stressful but I think it’s my mindset rather than the situations I find myself in as it’s all pretty standard stuff called LIFE.   Anyway,  deciding to give up on dessert at the dreaded cafe,  I tell the boys they can have a bar of cholocate as a treat instead.    Stephen retreats to the car – thanks for that.  So I take the three kids to look for sweeties and Cerys is on a bid for freedom,  running around like a banshee whilst the boys chase and encourage her.  We get to the till,  she is a wriggling bundle of naughtiness,  her ginger curls stuck to her head by sweat and god knows what.  So I’m trying to pay and feel something trickle onto my feet.  My heart stops as I fear it’s one of the bags but no thankfully it was Cerys’s smoothie that was covering my toes in a pink sticky mess.    Oh the joys.  But you see again,  its better than what I feared so I say a secret thank you to God.  I pay with difficulty ( Cerys under my arm ) and my phone is ringing with 4 missed calls.  Luckily Stephen shows up to see where we are and he takes Cerys whilst I answer the phone – the line is bad, it’s my daughter and all I hear is ‘can you hear me, Mam, can you hear me’ to which I reply yes – and she says someone has died but I didn’t catch who she said.  We get cut off.  My heart sinks as I try to imagine who has died,  my daughter sounded upset ……we eventually make contact again and it was my uncle,  totally unexpected – he was in his 60s and main carer to my aunty who had broken her back last year.  I felt numb.  That’s the other thing I have found since operation botch,  I seem to be void of emotion which is not me at all.  I think my brain is on overload.  We get home,  family arrives,  we try to keep the news of the death from the twins for now as they were very fond of him.  At 7 o clock everyone leaves.   I go in the shower and try and relax.  I set to changing my dressings and find a new hole has emerged.   I feel nothing.  So I lie on the bed,  chat to family online,  and look at the mess on my stomach wondering why oh why does this keep on happening.  There is no end to this nightmare so I best just get on with it as life is well and truly passing me by.  I think of my uncle who probably got up this morning not realising what was ahead of him and I cried and cried.  Emotions returned with a vengeance.   I fall asleep………..

2 thoughts on “Oh Happy Days 🎼🎼🎼🎼

  1. breeze

    Hello Groundhog,
    So sorry to hear of your recent bereavement. Having lost both my parents and my father in law, in the last 2 years I know how shocking and distressing it can be. I think I am now only just beginning to come through it although it still catches me unawares at time. It makes it all the more difficult when you are struggling with other problems, as you are. However, you sound like you have a close loving family, despite the stress, so I’m sure you will recover from the loss.

    I really hate having to ask this as it means hijacking your blog for something relatively trivial, but would you mind passing on a message to the MM forum girls for me. Yesterday I logged on to find that I had been barred from the forum. No explanation given and no warning. I have a feeling this has also happened to Pollyanna as although she said she was leaving, her profile like mine, still looks active. I suspect Emma did her stuff before she had time to leave herself.

    I don’t know what I did wrong except not being actively pro HRT. I have a feeling Emma has taken it upon herself to weed out anyone she suspects as being more inclined toward holistic or natural alternatives. By ‘freezing’ the profiles of those she excludes it prevents speculation on the forum. I also suspect that a certain member (H) is involved.

    If you wouldn’t mind letting one or more members know what has happened that would be great. Perhaps someone like babyjane. It’s probably best not to say a great deal about this on any forum post. Just that I have been exclude for unknown reasons, as I think it would put other members in danger of exclusion, if it caused too much of a debate. I was really worried about CLKD yesterday as she did not appear to be posting. I thought she had suffered the same fate. Now that would really have been wicked. Lucky she posted later last night, as she had been out. Phew.

    I don’t think the forum will ever be truly well balance all the time Emma is the moderatot and (H) is obviously allowed free reign. Therefore it is unlikely that I will make any attempt to rejoin at the moment.

    Please let everyone know that I have enjoyed knowing them and will miss the chatty side of the forum. Also I truly hope your health takes a turn for the better. You really do deserve a break.

    Will miss you all

    Just a thought, my email address just in case Lilly.M76@outlook.com


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