Looking back with fear to this day last year………

One year ago today I nearly died. I was given minutes for them to get air into me or my heart would stop, I remember it all. I remember them words ‘ this lady is going to have a massive heart attack if we don’t act quick’. It was the NHS at its best, the crash team, the whole shebang and they did save my life, but il never forget.

Not usually one to dwell on really bad experiences, this is different, this won’t go away.

I remember the day so well, I woke up sad that I’d woken up, I felt that ill. I don’t think I was believed as to how I’ll I felt, as I had had major surgery twice in the last few days, and it was sort of expected. Until they took my temperature which topped 104. Doctors were called and sepsis mentioned. It all happened slowly yet I could feel myself getting weaker and weaker. My husband arrived and I could see the sadness in his face as he looked at me realising I was not improving. He encouraged me to try and sit up and he put his arms around me, I could feel his tears fall on my neck as I told him I couldn’t do this anymore, I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up.

I lay down, he held my hand, nurses flitted back and fore and then it happened – my lungs stopped working , I could not breathe, there was no air. The rest is history and I can’t relay it all again even to myself.

I recovered from the respiratory attack quite quickly. I was told sometime later the nasogastric tube had become displaced and the nurses hadn’t noticed. My stomach filled with copious amounts of bile which eventually squashed my lungs so much there was no room for them to inflate. Hearing that terrified me and still does.

But I am here and a year later my lungs at least seem to be ok. The rest of me is still struggling to try and continuously heal this fistula. My poor body is trying so hard to heal yet I don’t think that is possible without more surgery. Once you are in this situation there are rippple effects as my limited diet now means I’m anaemic which will compromise my immune system. I have a very sore eye again which shows my body is struggling with all of this. At times I think how much can one body take.

Have a busy day planned and I will be so glad when this day is over. Despite my moans and groans, I know we live in a beautiful world and I have many people who I love dearly, I’m not ready to go anytime soon ❤️

One thought on “Looking back with fear to this day last year………

  1. You have been through a heck of a lot, and you’ve done amazingly well. I know it’s still a long road ahead and you’re still dealing with problems like the fistula, but you should be proud for everything you’ve got through, for sticking it out and keeping hope alive for better days. Things can and will get brighter, and you are quite the inspiration! I hope your busy day went okay (I’m sorry it’s a little late me reading/commenting but I’m only just catching up on blogging today). Sending hugs and my best wishes your way xx


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